In Buddhism, there’s a teaching known as the parable of the two arrows. It’s a simple story with profound relevance for how we deal with stress, anxiety, and the challenges of daily life.

The Parable of the Two Arrows

The Buddha explained that when an ordinary person is struck by an arrow, they feel pain. But imagine being struck by a second arrow right after the first. The second arrow adds suffering on top of the original pain.

• The first arrow represents life’s unavoidable difficulties: loss, illness, conflict, or disappointment. These arrows are part of being human and we can’t always stop them from coming.
• The second arrow represents our reaction: worry, self-criticism, shame, rumination, or the stories we tell ourselves. This arrow is optional; it’s the suffering we add on top of pain.

How This Applies to Mental Health

In modern life, we often shoot ourselves with “second arrows” without realizing it.

• We feel anxious, and then criticize ourselves for being anxious.
• We experience sadness, and then think, “I shouldn’t feel this way. Something must be wrong with me.”
• We make a mistake, and then replay it over and over in our minds, fueling shame.

The first arrow hurts but the second arrow keeps the wound open.

Moving Toward Healing

The teaching of the two arrows isn’t about denying pain; it’s about changing our relationship to it.

• Awareness: Notice when the second arrow is present. “I’m anxious… and I’m also beating myself up for being anxious.”
• Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness in moments of struggle.
• Mindfulness: Allow feelings to come and go without judgment, rather than getting caught in a spiral.

A Practical Example

Imagine you had a conflict with a loved one. The first arrow is the hurt you feel from the disagreement. The second arrow might be thoughts like: “I’m a terrible partner,” or “This always happens, I’ll never get it right.”

Instead of shooting that second arrow, you can pause, acknowledge the hurt, and then choose a healthier response, like reaching out for repair or giving yourself space to process.

Final Thoughts

The wisdom of the two arrows reminds us that while pain is inevitable, suffering is not always necessary. By learning to recognize and release the second arrow, we can lighten our emotional load and create space for healing, growth, and resilience.

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